Wednesday, October 5, 2011

School in the Wilderness

The Circumstance
I feel like the world owes me something. It affects my mood, attitude, heart, responses, relationships and health. I know I shouldn't and it doesn't and I know the obvious scriptures about pride and humility, but I can't seem to kick it. What gives?

The Word
Ex. 16:2-3
"Then the whole congregation of the children of Israel complained against Moses and Aaron in the wilderness. And the children of Israel said to them, “Oh, that we had died by the hand of the LORD in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the pots of meat and when we ate bread to the full! For you have brought us out into this wilderness to kill this whole assembly with hunger.”
Ex. 16:12b
"And you shall know that I am the Lord your God."

The Application
When I was seeking God's plan for my life after college, I had a moment on top of a rock climbing tower when I felt face to face with God; He told me that I had the choice, I could either go one way where it was plush and green and simple and easy (but I would need to depend so much on Him), or I could go the other way where it was dry and desert and pretty rough going; I'd really have to depend on Him for my every need. It was my choice. I decided I wanted to take the route where I needed to depend fully on God to provide. But now here I am, trying to have both. I want a deep relationship with Christ but I don't fully depend on him. I don't trust him in the hard times, I don't recognize adversity as a time of growth and growing in my faith. I go through life frustrated and angry that I don't have what I expect to have exactly when I want it, like the world (or God) owes me something. I act like it's all about me, but in the wrong way. What actually is about me is my response to what God has given me. Am I thankful? Do I recognize that he is the Lord my God? Do I wish I was still in the land that I came from, though living in slavery it was at least comfortable? How will I choose to react to my time in the "wilderness" God has lead me to? Its only for a season, but will I stay true? What will be the result of God testing my heart? What is not about me is everyone else's lives. No one is responsible for me, my happiness, my well being. And they certainly aren't responsible for my response to life's circumstances.

Lord, I confess my pride to you. I am sorry for being unthankful. I am sorry for not trusting you in the hard times, for not looking to you for wisdom and strength, and for not seeing your hand in my life and how you are working all things together for your glory (and for thinking they should be working together for mine). Release me from these chains of self righteousness. Fill me anew with your Spirit, that I may walk in freedom with joy and thanksgiving. May my cup overflow and affect my mood, attitude, heart, responses, relationships, and health.

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