Friday, October 28, 2011

The Joy of Exhaustion

The Circumstance

"One of those days" turned into "one of those weeks" turned into...."what the heck IS this phase?!". Paxton and I had a tough couple of weeks and I was so glad to leave him with James for the weekend, secretly praying that James would experience Paxton at his worst for 3 straight days. But Paxton was an angel. Of course. So I thought the teeth had broken through and we were in the clear, but this was a very hard week. With little energy for much else I resorted to eating poorly which makes me not feel good which makes matters worse. I keep thinking, "I can't wait till this is over" and I just try to duck my head and get through it. But then I think, "Life is hard. Am I going to duck for the rest of my life? Isn't there a way I can enjoy even this phase?"

The Word

Romans 5:1-4
Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have[a] peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope.

The Application

I was searching for wisdom on the internet (sometimes a risky venture) and came across someones blog that didn't have anything to do with raising children but had a perspective changing quote. His blog was called:

The joy of exhaustion!
"You know.. the best thing in this world is going to bed with a brain that is completely exhausted after a day of playing with logic, numbers and words! Bliss!! =)
PS: Also holds true for other stuff that saps your energy and yet gives you the satisfaction of having lived up to the day. Life!"

I am exhausted because I am a mother. How can I not see the joy in that?! How many women cannot have children and DREAM of being exhausted because of their children? I am exhausted because I am a GOOD mother. I could do less, care less, spend less quality time with Paxton, but I enjoy being a good mother so I mother "all in". Yes, I will put him in his crib for "quiet time" even if he screams through it because it's better for everyone if I get a break, but ultimately that makes me a better mother. Yes, I leave him with a sitter in order to have some time for me, but that makes me a better mother. But on days (weeks) like these when I am worn out, emotionally drained, sensitive, and tired of fussiness, I can praise the Lord that I get the opportunity to be a mother.

The above verse says that I GET to have a peace with God BECAUSE I have been declared innocent according to God BECAUSE of my faith (not because of anything I do); that includes dishes, laundry, preparing meals, etc. If I don't do "what I'm supposed to do" as a stay at home mom, I don't have to feel guilty, and no one can shame me or blame me, because the only One whose opinion matters tells me to stand in His grace. And not only that, He promises that all of this hard stuff is actually benefiting me in the long run.

So when Mr. Fussy-Pants walks up to me whining "MOMMMMMYYYYYYY!" and wont let me get anything done and doesn't want anything I offer and doesn't want to be held but doesn't want to be put down and I'm at my wit's end... I can make the conscious choice to love every minute of it.

Somehow that brings rest to my spirit. That rest honors my husband more than any dinner or pile of folded laundry could ever do.

1 comment:

  1. When we were living up on Oaktree Circle it was a 5 mile drive to get to the high school. Once I started saying, "I GET to drive Brooke to practice", well, it actually got better! It allowed me to laugh and chat on the drive. You're doing a great job Courtney!

    Now, I GET to go grocery shopping!