Thursday, October 6, 2011

Dear Self, remember this

The Circumstance
I didn't need a nap today. Ta da! That's the first time in a long time. Rah! I laugh in the face of fatigue! The day was pleasant, starting with a much needed visit with a good friend while Paxton had a play date elsewhere. I get energized when I make time for myself. When I don't prioritize friendships, I have a hard time with life. So I think to myself, "Self, make visiting with people a priority so you can have more good days". But somehow I forget that. Or, if I'm honest, sometimes I don't feel worthy to put myself first. So easily I let other things take priority; like cleaning the house, playing with Paxton, making dinner, things "a good wife/mother does".... In other words, I must earn my keep. "If I don't _____ then I don't deserve _____. (It sounds awful, but makes perfect sense in my head while its all jumbled in there. This is why journaling is good for me, to clear up lies that sound like truth in my head.)

The Word
Rom 6:14
For sin shall not have dominion over you, for you are not under law but under grace.

The Application
I have been crucified with Christ, I am no longer under a law of bondage, I am free. So why do I live a life based on 'good works' to earn my worth? God calls me worthy, therefore I am. Not because of things I do, but because of what He did. Life in the Kingdom of God is backwards than what life teaches us. James rejoices when he knows he has a joyful and healthy wife. He would rather have a happy wife than a clean house or delicious meal. Paxton may have a tough time if I leave him to go have fun, but in the big picture its better for him to have an emotionally healthy mommy. So I need to make it "all about me", because if I do then I can live a life that's "not about me at all". "The greatest thing you can do for your kids is learn to focus on yourself" (Scream Free Parenting, Runkel, 9)
Bottom line: I am learning how and when to enforce personal boundaries that enhance my well-being. In so doing, I strengthen my marriage and ability to parent well, thus creating a upward spiral of health in my life. I'm worth it.

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