Sunday, November 13, 2011

How to Live Happily Ever After

The Circumstance
Marriage is hard. We're going on 5 years and are having a good time, but marriage is hard. As things are changing in our life we are experiencing more conflict and more arguments and more stress than ever before. As an act of "preventative maintenance" we met with a Pastor-couple for marriage support. It's tough to see the whole picture when you're in the midst of the storm, so a wise and trusted outsider's view helped us put things into perspective and give us words for what we are feeling and experiencing. And most importantly, they were able to 'translate' what "female" was saying and what "male" was saying (since we all know we speak different languages).

The Word
Eph 6:10-13
Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

The Application
Marriage is a tool God uses to help us see what is "inside". When the heat is turned up the water boils and out comes the ugly. Things have been pretty simple in our marriage; I'd say the pot has just been 'warm', but as we go on we keep adding more to our life and each addition turns the heat up another notch: James in school, a baby, less income/more expenses, James' new position at work, my continued poor health and lack of sleep, etc. Through this, we get to see what's inside of ourselves by how we are reacting to the added stressors. These reactions include but are not limited to: anger, passive-aggression, passivity and checking out, bitterness, revenge. But by recognizing what is going on, we get to decide how to respond. We can either choose to fight each other about it, point and blame and get bitter, or we can join together in the fight and help each other as we deal with the roots that go deep that cause such ugliness to come out. We now realize that, yes, we do need to fight, but instead of fighting each other we need to fight the one who is doing the attacking. James and I are both too stubborn to let anyone or anything come between us so we choose to stand together and fight as one. This takes humbleness, brutal honesty, trust, intentionality, a team of people praying along side us, and the Holy Spirit guiding and protecting us.

We all know the saying, "S#!t happens". So why are we so surprised when it does? Let's be intentional in our marriage and not get caught off guard, so when the time comes we are able to fight, and having done all, to stand.


  1. What a refreshing many people want marriage to be painted as a perfect situation where nobody gets their feelings hurt, their toes stepped on or that there could be anything except the most happy times all the time. Marriage, as with most things that you want to last, takes work on the part of both people involved. God designed marriage & yet He made men & women SO different. As the pastor who married us told us during our premarriage counseling, marriage is represented well by a triangle, each spouse starts on one of the lower points & God is at the top point. As we grow closer to God we will grow closer to each other! Continue to look to God, follow His leading & trust in His best for your life!

  2. Wow...rings soo true! When Jesse and I moved to bend we began a study with a couple here from John piper...sexual complementarity on I highly recommend it. God really changed my own heart through the study. U will b blessed. It was an eye opener for me to truly "see" God's design for marriage and what it is that we r fighting against. I totally appreciate your honesty thank u for sharing it is encouraging to know we are not the only ones : )