Monday, May 27, 2013

Trauma to Joy

Being Memorial Day I have a hard time writing about my "trauma" compared to those who we honor today, but after the time we spent in the hospital surrounding the birth of our twins I went to a therapist for a while and she told me it was okay to call our situation "traumatic", so here we go.

One year ago today, after 6 weeks of bed-rest in the hospital due to pregnancy complications, I woke up feeling nauseated. The nurses kept a close watch on me and as soon as my temperature spiked they called in the team. They would rather deliver healthy babies than infected babies and my temperature told them there was an infection brewing.By 11pm I was in the OR delivering premature twins at 29 weeks gestation (out of 40). Looking back, it was a blur. A numb blur.

Zach (left); Chaz (right)

We were told it would probably be 4-6 weeks before the boys would be released from the hospital. I/we went to the hospital almost every day... for the next 12 weeks

Paxton meeting Chaz

Between pumping every 2-3 hours, labeling bottles, driving, checking in through security, holding the babies, coming home, and spending time with James and Paxton, I had a deficit of sleep and energy and emotional stability.

Zach's MO

When we didn't think it could get any more difficult, Zach came home after 8 weeks. This was a good thing, but this meant we had to do everything we were already doing but now with an infant in tow; let alone the breaking of my heart as we left Chaz "alone" in the hospital, so small and fragile.

Together again

 It was a long 4 more weeks before Chaz joined the family in his true home. And it was many more months before I started to come out of the dark fog of overwhelmness. With the help of many friends and family members we are recovering from the rough start and are slowly entering back into the outside world, although I am still easily overwhelmed and its exhausting to be outside of our home with the whole gang.

Zach (left); Chaz (right)

But today, May 27, 2013, we celebrate the LIFE and HEALTH of Chaz and Zach Walton as they turn one year old. This day marks the beginning of a new season, where we can move forward and look back on the past year as a year of growth and character building; with a stronger marriage, and with a new understanding of God's grace. This day, instead of being remembered for trauma and fear, is a day of joy.

Happy birthday, Chaz and Zach. May you grow in strength and courage (Heb: chazach) and in the grace of the Lord.

Chaz (left); Zach (right)



  1. What a success! We pray for continued growth and health of these 2 gifts from God. What an experience and what a joy to have 3 boys who are not only healthy, but intelligent and so happy. Courtney and James, you are so special to be given this responsibility. We love and admire your strengh! Love, Great Grandma

  2. Eres una persona increĆ­ble Courtney! te admiro mucho! mil besos